For Sale: Cheap, One Really Fat Cat Blogger

G-r-o-a-n....

So it's 5am the morning after a slight over-indulgence with clear, potato-based liquor.... Blaugh.

Now, why the heck would I get up at 5am this morning you ask? Let me introduce you to Rosey, also known by his nom du blog, Rastacat:



So this morning he got up on my nightstand, found the button for the radio, and stood on it waking me up. Yesterday he started meowing pathetically at about 3am. I put him in the bathroom and shut him in, only to be woken up again a half-hour later by the sound of him basically eating his way through the door. So into the garage he went(with the steel-core security door, let's see you chew through that!).

I can hear you now; just get rid of the cat. If only it were that easy. See the whole family is very attached to him. As a matter of fact, if push came to shove, I think they'd choose him over me. Afterall, it only seems to be me that he gets up at oh-dark-30 or whenever he has his feline-version raves. (I'm guessing this is to do with my natural male saber-tooth tiger fighting gene...)

So I think the solution is clear. One of you needs to adopt me. Here are my qualifications: I am a middle-aged (listen, getting to 70 with this body is achievement enough, so technically I'm middle aged at 35), slightly corpulent and quite hairy male, with short (disappearing) hair and affinities for Star Trek, Jethro Tull, 1980's nostalgia, and the Madden football games. No known food allergies.

I can do laundry and light housecleaning, and if you're a person of the female persuasion, well, let's just say.... No, no, let's not say anything... Wifeypooh has an internet connection at work now, you can never be too careful...

All offers will be kept confidential, until appropriate husband neutralizing (I'm talkin' to you, Penny) actions can be taken...

Everything Sucks...

This is going to be a bit disjointed (grain alcohol will do that to you...).

Crap. I'm still using complete sentences. Obviously not enough grain alcohol yet (Gypsy has set the standard for drunken blogging..)

And, by the way, we'll be watching Lost during this post- which is a really bad idea, 'cause JJ Abrams + booze can leave you really fucked up... Like, for instance, I could've sworn I just saw a nice little busdivision,... err... subdivision on the other side of the Lost island... and it's got Kerry Weaver's lesbian lover in it...

Oh, new Career Builder ad, one with the guy and a monkey at the urinal, and the monkey is certainly not dollowing... err...following the etiquitte spelled out in that video a couple of posts ago. This one's not on youtube yet, but here's a montage of Careerbuilder monkey ads... You know, for my money, you just can't get enough monkeyads...



Oh yes, she's back... Buy here she's Juliet... Interesting.

By the way - it was nice to see them not kill off Luka and Maggie's kid on ER last week. They haven't killed a baby in like a year..

Holy leaping lizards... Kate from Lost is in a low cut dress with her womanly parts all bulging out... my goodness..

Anywho, as I was saying, I think, at some point at least in this post, I'm in a crappy mood. Life sucks.

And the worst thing is, I can't write about it at all because too many people I know in real life know about this thing. And the last thing I need is someone from work knowing about my years as a page working for Mark Foley...

So, hyeah;.. Wroks sucks (uh oh - the grain spriitis are kicking in...(),... Politics sucls. The mega-volcano at TYellowstone is 40m,0-000 tyears late for an explosion, there've been four school shooting in the last two weeks, and my daughter is 10 going on 14 and may not make it to 11 if she keeps up her wiseass mouth....

Serious shit is going down, and I don;'t know how I;m supposed to just raise a family and go to work each morning and act like nothings happening.

Well, there's no way to wrap this up. So I;m just going to say good bye, and I;'kll see you all tomorrow...

Ciao