Movie Night: Failure to Launch

Ok, I had been avoiding this one. Really, how much Matthew McConaughey can anyone take? Like I really need to let Wifeypooh feast on that eyecandy? And then I considered my recent spate of Kate Hudson films, and, well turnabout is fair play..

(and it doesn't hurt that Kate #2, Zooey Deschanel, is in this one...)

But first, a note about Netflix: Dudes, get those little plastic coverings you can put on the DVDs before you send them off. WTF are people doing with their movies? Playing freakin' frisbee?

Last weekend got "The Devil Wore Prada" at the behest of the wife, and the first twenty minutes and the last twenty minutes were completely unwatchable, even with the nifty computer DVD which has progressive scan and all that. Absolute garbage. And now the movie in on the "Very Long Wait" list, so they're not shipping out a replacement anytime soon. Bastards...

Well, anyway, this week we got "Failure to Launch", starring Lance Armstrong's lover Matthew McConaughey, the comley Ms. Deschanel, and fright-footed, horse-faced, man-handed Sarah Jessica Parker. (Apparently they had to digitially "fix" SJP's feet in editing, as they so ugly from years of stilletto abuse...)

I was thinking we'd get another four or five Sandra performance, but my interest was piqued when the PG-13 warning screen came up and said the film was rated thusly for "partial nudity". More about that later.

SJP, as annoying as I find her in real life was actually very charming in this film, and McConaughey was, well, Matthew McConaughey. In the one of the little featurettes one of the writers called his performances "laconic". How about this adjective: stoned. Everything I've seen him in he looks stoned. Not too surprising since, this is the guy who got busted when neighbors called the cops complaining about the nosie, and they went to his house to find a buck-naked McConaughey playing the bongos at two in the morning.

(And for those of you who clicked on that link hoping to find a picture of a buck-naked McConaughey, well, shame on you, you pervets.)

Usually these romantic comedies drive me nuts, mainly because they rely on the misunderstanding and chase scenario, where something goes wrong, and we the audience can see that it was just a misunderstanding, and we hope that they get back together, and they just do, but not quite, and etc etc and so on and so on... Drives me crazy, you want the truth.

But this one didn't have that endless "just missed it" feeling, and I thought better of it for it.

It was nice to see Brad Cooper (Will from Alias) getting some work, and Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw were actually pretty well matched as McConaughey's parents.

And yes, Zooey was sublime. But we've come to expect that, haven't we... It's those eyes. She could do the "HeadOn" commercial and I'd watch it.

And then there's the nudity. I'm not going to lie to you, I was hoping it was Zooey, and dreading it would be SJP... But, in retrospect, that would have been better. Even Mr. Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, would have been better. By the way, you know, I've always been impressed with Abraham Lincoln's beard... I don't know why I thought of that, it just always seems to come to mind when I talk about SJP and Matthew Broderick... Never mind... Moving on.

Again, nice beard.

Well.

Anywho.

So, as you guys are a bunch of perverts, I've taken the liberty of making a screen capture of the "partial nudity" deemed PG-13-worthy. So, if you just must see such things, click here, it's okay, I'll wait.

..

...

....

You back? Don't day I didn't warn you. Jesus Marimba. Yikes. I think I would've preferred Kathy Bates...

But, you know, it was actually a pretty good movie, for what it was. Don't expect to come out of it inspired to cure cancer or fight global warming, and don't expect to be touched in any sort of meaningful way (unless 57 year old white man butts are your thing and you're touching yourself after seeing the above captured scene). Expect to get a few laughs and see some decent acting and you won't be too disappointed.

And I didn't even fall asleep...

So, we give Failure to Launch:

Two Sandras**!



Until next time, keep warm!


** For those of you new to Kal, the Sandra Bullock Scale© was devised to rate a movie sleepability, due to my inability to stay awake through any Sandra Bullock film since Demolition Man. A perfect score of five out of five represents a movie's a) stupifying boredom combined with b) lack of even token nudity despite hot chickage [see Practical Magic... what a waste of time, Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock and zero nudity... Rated PG-13 for sensuality my fanny...], making it impossible for me to stay up through.

A score of zero Sandras is a movie that has me riveted from the first minute and I don't even need to get up and walk around during, or grab a cup of coffe, or anything.)