Thursday, May 31, 2007

Kal 4 Prez: Issue One: Torte reform

Greetings, fellow countrymen. Well, the political world's all a-buzz over that actor about to announce a presidential bid. I'll tell you what, I ain't afraid of him.

Here at Kal For President, we welcome all comers: from Romney and his freshly shellaced hair, to obvious brainwashed-sleeper agent John McCain, to also obviously brainwashed sleeper agent Barrack Hussein Obama, I welcome them all.

So, as a part of my exciting and paradigm-shifting campaign, let's start talking some issues!

First, a reading from the Book of Al:

I sued Coca-Cola, yo
'Cause I put my finger down in a bottle
And it got stuck!

I sued Delta Airlines
'Cause they sold me a ticket to New Jersey
I went there, and it sucked!


If you stand me up on a date
If you deliver my pizza 30 seconds late

I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna sue, sue
Yes, I'm gonna sue
Sue, sue, yeah I might even sue you!


From "I'll Sue Ya", off the Album "Straight Outta Lynnwood."

So, my "handlers" tell me Al is talking about the need for torte reform by sarcastically suggesting he will sue people for all these minor offenses. Sure, whatever.

Let me tell you, it's hard to get good help these days. These 22 year old kids fresh out of some fancy-pants college trying to tell me how to run my campaign. And then they come up with something stupid like this.

What the heck do they mean by torte reform? Look, I've had a lot about these little torte things, and let me tell you, I think they're wicked awesome. I love those alternating layers of cake and icing and chocolate mousse and all that. I think they're quite yummy. And I frankly don't think they need reforming at all!

Yessirree, I do love those tortes just the way they are.

Seems like it's my campaign staff that needs some reforming!


Diesel said...

Mmmmmmmmm chocolate torte reform.

Gino said...

after kal leaves the desert table, they need to form some more tortes.

i think this is what your aids are really talking about.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, torte...tortellini...Tortuga...

OOPS! 'Loose associations day' at the home!

If they reform tortes, will the then be called "ReTorts"??

bozette said...

I will vote for you if I get tortes.

Harmonica Man said...

I've got tickets to see Al this summer. I've got tickets to see Al this summer.

Did I mention I've got tickets to see Al this summer?

Motherdear said...

You're making me HONgry!!!

If you and Wifeypooh collaborate on torte reform, I'd like to see one in orange. Doesn't that sound yummy???

Motherdear said...

Hey, I forgot to mention - I blogged! But you won't find it under my old name becuz the nasty Blogger wouldn't let me keep my old name. So I'm now

Why do they have to 'fix' everything that ain't broken???

ARRGGGHHH! Me too old for this!