Monday, May 21, 2007

Why This Culture Stinks: Reason #272

News Item: (Well, sort of, I got it from The Superficial) (Heyyyy.... It's not on The Superficial. I'm aghast. I rely on The Superficial for all my celebrity news! Oh, I guess I'll have to go to TMZ...)

Okay, News Item: Britney Spears made such a stink about the lack of leather seats on the United Airlines plane she was supposed to fly to Florida on that the captain of the plane taxied back to the terminal to let her off.

(Oh, and The Superficial has the story up now. I think my vicious taunting got to them)

Anywho: what the heck? If I complained about something so bitterly that the captain of the plane had to go back to the terminal to let me off, what do you think would happen?

Yes, that's right. I'd end up in the hoosegow. And so would you. And after getting extra special full-body cavity searches by the TSA, we'd most surely end up on a no-fly list and possibly even get audtied by the IRS just for fun.

We would most certainly not be allowed to interfer with a flight crew (the catch-all federal felony they tag everyone from terrorists wanna-bes to disorderly drunks) and get dropped off at the terminal.

I mean, this is America, right? This is a country of laws, and not men (and chicks). Right? Why the special treatment for trailer trash multi-gazillionaires?

And Britney, really, hon: You wear so little clothing, and velour dosen't stick you your fatty sweatty baby-momma ass like leather does. It's really the better choice.

Love,

Kal

3 comments:

Harmonica Man said...

Hoosegow? Congratulations. Once again you've caused me to look up a ridiculous word I've never heard before. I may need to start a Kal-saurus.

Gino said...

maybe there werent any volunteers for the full body cavity search?

not that everybody hasnt already seen the cavity...

Kal said...

HM: You're welcome. I consider it my mission in life to use as many confusing words as possible.

Gino: I'm not fussy, I'd still take a shot at it, well, so long as I had all my shots...