Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Ugh... February.

Now is the winter of our discontent, the times that try men's souls, if I can mix my historic quote stealing.


February sucks. Can it just get its ass over with please? Were in full pity-party swing over here and need March and the renewal of spring to get moving again.

A list of my grievances:

  • Trusty Laptop went teats up; windows ate itself.
  • Trusty MP3 player is missing, and feared somewhere in the bowels of the Xray machine at the State House (but, oh, I feel so safe!) (Until, that is, Wifeypooh finds out I lost the MP3 player and chews my ass out to the Nth degree)
  • Non-winter had been replaced by biting, searing, ice-storm cold. Thanks a efffing lot, Mother Nature. You biotch.

On the plus side:

  • Still on the right side of the dirt.
  • Nifty new Treo makes it possible to be hounded by email everywhere, even the can.
  • Got a new toy:

Of course, this new toy is necessitated by the fact that I weigh approximately 945 pounds and need someone to help me pee by lifting my ponderous gut out of the way of my rapidly disappearing manhood...

Oh Christ, that's a lovely image.

And this goddamn world has gone completely off the rails.

The 2008 Presidential Election is 21 months away, the New Hampshire primary is 13 months away, and ads are already going up? The rest of you are lucky, you don't live in the media market that covers Southern New Hampshire. We're subjected to political ads early and often, and have to put up with ridiculous shit like stories that Dennis Kuchinic is trying to get 42 votes in MooseScrew New Hampshire by taking sides in a local permitting issue that is absolutely none of his business.

I swear, you get your cat stuck in a tree in New Hampshire anytime within a year and a half of the New Hampshire primary and four they'll be four presidential candidates coming over your house with a ladder.

I just can't take it.

Can't take anymore talk about Tom Brady's bastard child, Anna Nicole Smith's body (or that poor soon-t0-be multimillionaire baby and the circus paternity trial), Britney's hair, etc etc etc.

Not to mention if you're a sports fan in New England up until this week your February sports options were watching the Celtics go on an 18 game losing streak, or trying to find the Bruins on some channel, any channel. When did they put hockey in the witness protection program?

But things are looking up, my friends. Pitchers and catchers reported this week; opening day is a little more than a month away. You don't even have to be a rabid baseball fan to appreciate that, pitchers and catcher reporting is, like the return of the geese or those little green eruptions that become your daffodils, a sure sign that spring is on the way.

I'm ready. Ready to renew life and put behind me this winter of my discontent. Ready to face my new life with firm resolution, not dread resignation. Goodbye cruel winter. Hello affirming spring.


Gino said...

dont get too excited. the red sox arent 'due' for another, what?... 82 years?

speaking of things boston: i almost scored tix to the murphys last nite. need to keep trying...

Kal said...

two words - Dice K. Win, lose, or draw, this is going to be a neat sox season.

That's too bad about the Murphy's tix. Better luck next time (you should come out east for their St. Pat's show, I hear it's incredible).

Penny said...

Mossy just told me that the Bruins are doing just as badly as the Maple Leafs.

Man...that's something. No wonder you're depressed.

Good luck on the bike - you'll do great. Lie about the mp3 and say you were rolled for it while exiting the building... smack yourself in the head a couple of times.

I'm ready for spring, too...but I'm assuming there will be another 4 weeks of winter. I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Gino said...

per dkm in boston:
i can only imagine.
bands such as this always take the show to another level for the home crowd that made them.
like social D, in orange county.(I did that last year).

Kal said...

Gino - you are a punk fan, aren't you. But here's the question: how does the nihilistic punk vibe go along with you're generally law-and-order and respect for life instincts?

Sounds like there's a bubbling cauldron of conflict within you!